越开心·越寂寞

一种无形中的压力，好可怕!!
不敢想象那属于一个人的新年，思念会是多么的猖狂...
只是知道，明年的农历新年我一点也不想过...
就一个人，你叫我怎么过？

一个人想哭，又能怎样?

不说，自己心里会生病；
说了，彼此关系生肿瘤。

然后，想怎样?
想痛哭一场，就一个人。

你就偏偏插了手...

真实。

心痛比快樂更真實
孤獨比擁抱更真實

为何總是被不該煩擾的事煩擾著，為不該苦惱的事苦惱，用別人的錯誤懲罰自己?

专心做功课吧!! >_<

When first you eye I eyed,

Your beauty still.
But, our relationship is broken (for some reasons).

Another love story ends.

What if you've been told that,
"Distance is a silent killer"
Would you take the risk?

Why not?

如何取决?

记得蔡康永说过这一段话：

“鸡生蛋, 鸡也拉屎,但你肯定只吃蛋,不吃屎的.对鸡如此,对人亦然:每个出色的人,都會生蛋,也會拉屎.例如他很会开公司,那你就买他家股票来赚钱,至于他亂說話,你就不用学.你最要紧是多吃鸡蛋,少理鸡屎,吸取营养,壮大自己. 很多人放着蛋不吃,整天追究屎,难道你靠吃屎能变壮大?”

突然间，很明白了一个道理：
为什么平时我们会那么在意一坨鸡屎而忘记了鸡也产蛋这件事呢?
因为通常我们先闻到鸡屎味。
那么臭，你会觉得是好事吗?
潜意识也断定这不是一件值得高兴的事。
看到了一个人的恶性，心里会抗拒，肢体上会采取“退一步”是必然的。
后来，相信你也不想对那个他有什么更深入的了解了吧?

而且，又有谁可以闻到生鸡蛋味呢?
和每一个人的优点一样，要别人的发掘，才会显现出来。
没有人会有透视眼，看穿了你一切的好底子。

一个人的缺点，就像鸡拉屎一样，臭味都一定会扩散出来。
一个人的优点，却像鸡生蛋一样，静悄悄的没其他人晓得。

亲爱的，

我们不要再相信爱情了，好吗?

当你还不确定的时候，为什么要闭上双眼让我亲吻你?

爱淡了，你却又不够狠，不离不弃是对我的一种施舍吗?

刻骨铭心，却让我痛哭得撕心裂肺，是我招惹的祸吗?

你与别人暧昧的同时，我比别人更想你获得那种被爱的幸福。

Hebe的还是要幸福，让我更明白，这是我欠你的，现在是时候还你了。

你一定要比我幸福哦~

-- 男生篇。

Oh my kiss tools!!

What's wrong with you both?
Are you still okay?
You guys are severely dehydrated.
Some are being peeled off.
Oh my dear. That's really unpleasant!!
Definitely need a good moisturizer.
I'll fix this. No worries.
Stay *sexy* ya!! ^3^ Haha

除非有一个愿意懂你的人

否则，情愿什么也不说。
当我向你诉说我的理想的时候，
想得到的不是你的高声喝彩，
只是你的倾听与支持。
仅此而已。
但是，你非但没有，
你的语气告诉了我，“别疯了，好吗”
在你面前，我连发梦的机会都没有。
我只好假装，继续认真地听你们说着，
我的心早已挂号，呻吟着它的伤痛，等待包扎。
知音难寻。
懂你的根本不需你的解释，
不懂你的怎么解释也没用。

Sometimes, when you lost your temper too.

Well, that's fair enough!

Don't blame me to be such a temperamental weirdo.
Because there you are.
You lost it too.

I know your borderline,
I didn't mean to test it.
But, you've just showed it.
Well, that's you.
No one is perfect.
It's fair enough.
And, I'm no one to understand every change of you!
That's why we are.

Well, understandable!

When you can't accept my excuses,
I don't have to explain more.
That's over.
That's too much.
Between you and me.

Our friendship.
That's it!! :\

They've gone, as angels.

156 hours have gone.
All my allocated placements in my bachelor’s life have been done so far.
One resident passed away this morning.
Between yesterday and today, there are totally two losses.
Two sad stories end in this winter.
They said will be a third one. This is the facility’s anathema.
Sad to hear that.

P.S:
It's awful to see their families burst into tears and you couldn't do anything about it. Feel sorry about their lost. :'(

Should be the last?

Today,
Should be the last day of placement in my Bachelor's life...

What's then? I wonder...
Anyway..

IELTS first, registration, PR, etc.

So much bothering..
Aiya!!

Should do my master straight the way?
Or should gain my work experiences first?

P.S:
When you are saying, you DON'T mind either, why then you put the question behind for me?
When you have the answer for this question, why then you don't tell me straight the way? Assuming that I'll know it?
Why did you hesitate to let me know when you have YOUR preference?
Didn't I tell you that I'm a truly decidophobia? (I swear, I did...)
I do not mean to shoot you at this way, but my question is, have you ever think about my feeling when you said those shit things in the phone. I'm the bloody hell stupid then.
Yes, I'm an idiot too.

一道墙的距离

其实，
就只有一道墙的距离。

那么的贴近，
却又是那么坚固的障碍。

其实，
心够坚强，就不会再软弱。

可是，脆弱的时候，
你也攻破不了，

我却因此，变得跟坚强，
那道你我之间的距离也随着变得更坚固了。

My mum like a monster.

Someone has described her mum as a monster
after her mum had been suffering from dementia.

In this afternoon,
when I was delegated to update all the residents' photo particularly in their folders,
I saw this in a lady's note.

I felt sad when I was reading the letter by the daughter to a nurse.
She wrote that, once upon a time,
her mum was used to be kind, friendly and was a wonderful lady,
but she just suddenly changed her personalities into the opposites
what happened to her, the daughter wondered.

DEMENTIA
is an absolutely terrible thing.

The lady's daughter is now ten thousands miles far away from here.
I wonder, does she know how her mother is being now?
I can be the volunteer telling all about her,

If I meet her,
I'm gonna say,
Your mum is doing quite good.
She enjoys her breakfast after being woken up by the staffs.
She will then be assisted for a shower or a wash before the morning tea.
She likes coffee with milk and sugar.
She then will sit for a lunch.
After that, she is always ready for the afternoon tea.

But...
there is always a 'but'.
Unfortunately I have to tell that as well.

After all, she is just wandering around this place most of the time.
The most impressive thing which I found on her is:
Every time, she passes by the staffs' room.
She will always stare into the mirror.
And then, she will wave her hand toward the mirror.
Seems like someone is waving to her too.
She then touches the mirror, trying to grab the object's hand.
I wonder how many time she tries and tries..
but nope, she can't grab any of the fingers either.
And then, she leave her "twin sister" with a smile.
When she takes a couple steps, she will return to the same place and do the same all again.

She is just lovely.
But, sometime can be difficult too.

Is she abandoned to this terrible place?
Yes, in my view.

我没有说谎~

以前總認為說謊是有理由的，為了保護別人、為了希望對方喜歡自己、為了博取同情、為了逃避、為了利益、為了權勢等等，可是，這兩年以來的遭遇，卻讓我發現，有些人就是習慣說謊，就是喜歡說謊。開始了說謊，只得用一個又一個謊言來掩飾之前的謊言。

說謊的一刻，他好像得到好處，可是，謊言愈說愈多之後，吃苦的也是自己。

誰敢說自己沒說過謊？說謊的一刻，會快樂嗎？要是一生都忙著用一個謊言來掩蓋另一個謊言，這樣的日子會幸福嗎？抑或疲於奔命？

為了謊言疲於奔命，這是多麼可悲也可憐的人生？

可以騙到身邊的人，甚至可以騙到全世界，可是，能夠騙到自己嗎？即使最後連自己都騙了，難道就沒有一刻是清醒的？沒有一刻鄙視自己，卻又憐憫自己？

不斷說謊，可以傷害別人一陣子，卻傷害自己一輩子。

無法正直地面對自己，這樣的人生也太累了吧？

-- BY 张小娴 --

*******************************************************************************************

读后感想：
有一些人，说谎的程度，已经到达那种忘我的境界；以为全世界都相信她了。其实不然，大家只想要配合她，不拆穿她罢了。心里很清楚且明白，她的面具的所在。

很悲哀~
因为当她自以为得等到了大家的信任，其实大家早已背弃了她，站在对岸袖手捧戏而已。观赏久了，也觉得腻了，她的观众都离席了。她还天真地以为，他们都还在；继续演，努力地演...

Hallo!!!

同学，你的观众只有站在镜子里的另一个你，
可以不要那么累吗?

Today’s

In the morning, a career asked me to give her a hand. I put away all what I supposed to finish, and then I went into a lady’s room. OMG!! An offensive smell just greeted me.

It was really horrible!

We couldn’t breathe properly because the smell was just horrible and disgusting (10 out of 10).

And, the career just repeated saying that, “Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!!” I really wanted to stop her by saying that in front of the “victim”. But, it isn’t my business to say that to her. And, it isn’t within my scope of practice too. So, :X I kept my mouth shut. And, it’s better to do something else to reassure the lady, I think. And then, I asked the career to get out and has a deep breath. She replied, “It’s alright.” She then took another breath through her mouth. Holding her breath, she continued “I get used to it.” Hello, can you don’t say this in front of her. She must be feeling awful too with this kind of drama happening on herself. Why can’t you just do thing and stop hurting her verbally.

We took her into the bathroom with the commode chair. Her diarrhoea was still coming out drops by drops. (They were dropping onto the carpet. I was indeed in my wit’s end, thinking that “OMG! What can I do for her?”) After we got into the bathroom, the career just ran the water immediately (Imagine: it is always cold at the first), she then rinsed the resident’s feet straightly after that (without consider her feelings with the cold water at all). Second time, I suggested her to get out of the room (to have a rest) and so I took over her job to give a quick shower. I asked the lady for the temperature of the running water, she said hot. Second time, she said cold. Third time, she said cold. Forth time, she said hot. Even I have tested it everytime, before asking her. It wasn’t really that extremely cold and hot. But, she is just sensitive to it. I had no idea to do with this. Leaving her undressed and sit in the bathroom wasn’t really ideal. (It is still winter and cold weather now.) I’m better let it start. I tested the temperature before showering her. She was still moaning, anyway. It was the best thing that I could do for her at that time. I do feel bad on her.

Before the shower, I did ask the nurse to come to look at her. But, she didn’t want to. She thought it wasn’t that “BIG” deal. (In fact, she asked the other career about her diarrhoea. The career stated that, it has been happened for the last couple days. So… it wasn’t an issue should be concerned for this time.)

Oh well~

I think: What?! You didn’t wanna see how bad it was. Neither how hopeless she was. If this has been happened for few days, do you really need to do something for her? Has the doctor been informed or consulted? I wonder. If she was on antibiotics, is this will be one of the side effects? What if she needs to change some of the medications? The nurse doesn’t really care. Not at all. I feel so disappointed with her attitude. You (as a nurse) are doing your nursing here. You are the responsible person, caring for everyone wellness. What if you are there when the accident happens? Can you tell me, wth is going wrong with you at that time. I didn’t know what intervention has been taken for the lady after that. But, she looked much better than the last time I saw her. I even took her to a seat after she had her lunch. Haiz… I’m still worry about her. Hope she gets better in the weekend. And heartily hope that the doctor knew that. *Fingers crossed* Humbly blessing~

Nursing is just all about, really? I will kill myself if I did that to my patients, I swear.

Sad stories.

Everyone has their own stories,
Depends on how you gonna listen to them using your own perspectives.

Stories in here are always
sad to know.

I'm mentally tired, now.

Where can I go home?

Today, it was a lady asking me where can she wait for (to go home)?
Me: Not today.
She: A lady said it's today.
Me: ... (Not supposed to tell her anything cause I don't really know much about her.)
But, she was really wanting to sit somewhere to get home.
I brought her to another lounge space.
She sat there and I told her that I would find the answer for her.
I went away and do my works.
Few minutes later, she walked towards me and asked me the same questions again.
I was in my wit's end.
When she saw another lady (a career), she asked, "sister, where can I wait to go home"
The lady said, "not today, it will be tomorrow." .... "at 10 o'clock."
Everyone knows the career was telling a lie, except her.
She was quite disappointed. And, became quite aggressive at times.
She was really looking forward to go home, I supposed.
But, definitely not gonna happen at this stage.
Pity her. Because everyone is lying on her.
Including me. Bitch telling a lie on a very ill dementia lady.
How bad am I? Very bad.
I feel bad too. But, you not gonna tell her the truth, aren't you?

She is a very lovely lady, gently kissed on my hands after I've carried her to a couch. She even asked me to sit down with her to wait for the bus (the bus to take her home). But, where is the bus? Or will the bus be arrived in the lounge? This is ridiculous, isn't it? But, dementia people don't think it is. I'm quite aware of their sundowning symptoms. When it is the sundown, they think they should be home, not here. The space locked with security doors, only the staffs can access the code to go through.

Sad stories make people sick.
Don't you think so?

Am I?

She asked me, "what are you doing up here?"
Me: "Assisting."
She: "Assisting whom?"
Me: "The nurse."

She rolled her eyes at me, and said, "STUPID!!!"
Me: "am I?"

(=.=") WTH!!

Those people have mental problems. You're not gonna fight with them. Don't you?
If there were you, what would you say?
Tell me.
I have no idea... witless~

A black Friday.

I keep writing this blog because of my current placement.
Well, obviously this is an interesting placement.
I'm writing the 100th post now.
How fun it is!!

Today, I wonder why...
most of the residents have been really unstable (emotionally).
During early in the morning, two female residents had a fight due to ?? somehow??
One said, "She's the nasty bitch!"
Woo.. Oh my goodness!! Wth is going on?!
My preceptor and I just went out the staff room, tried to calm down and separate them two.

In the afternoon, a male resident went wrongly into a female resident's room.
She just yelled out loudly, non-stop until we settled all down.
She is quite nice sometimes but definitely not today.
She has been lying down on her bed for a whole day, not changing her nighty and nappies either.
It is odd. Really strange, don't know why...

Just before I finished,
when I was playing chest with a male resident,
another unpleasant man came and asked me some questions.
And then, he started complaining people stepping into his house.
Well, I told him, this isn't his house. His room is up the other way, right in the corner, and now, he is in the sharing room with other residents. He got confused and strongly saying that this house was bought by him. Two males started arguing the ownership of the house. Hmmp! Hmmp!! Wth is going wrong?! I had no idea how to cool him down actually, with my poor little communication skills in English. And then, someone came. He went away.

After this, when I was getting out of one of the resident's room, he asked me what am I doing in that room (in a poor manner). Well, I was quite frustrated because of his behaviours just now. So, I said to him, "I didn't do anything, just visited a friend." He tried to catch me but I walked faster. And then, he asked me where's his room. I showed him the way and tried my hard to bring him in. When I was going to shut his door after this, he just stopped me. I was going to run away at that time. He caught me and asked me do I know english. (Because he actually asked me to let the door open and I was going to close it. Well, because I wanted to...) He was actually lighting the matches in my heart. I told him, "Yes, I know English, but somehow I don't know what are you talking about." I went away from him and got into the staff room straight the way. I leaved myself into peace afterward. Wth is going wrong with him today, I was thinking in my mind.

The story has not finished yet. Later on, when I have done a neuro observations on someone, I passed through him. He asked me, what am I doing here, i.e "his place" (or "his bought house").
I said, " Nope, nothing. I'm leaving now."
He: "Living? Where?"
Me:" I'm leaving now."
He: "When?" Me: "Now. Right now!"
And then, I took my bag and leaved. Let myself out of his sight for days. What's a day!!

I was nearly having a fight with this English man during the end of the shift.
Actually, I shouldn't do that on him.
He's sick. He has been diagnosed with dementia for ages. I was trying not to arguing with him. But, he seems to be rude all the time. He is the one who always has the questions to ask, confused all the time. But, when you wanna show him something or going to ask him to do something, he will become impatient and staring at you, "Don't teach me. I know how to do it." or "I'm not the child." Well, even though he wants to wash his hands after toileting, he doesn't really know where the soap is. When you are telling him, he would say, "I knew that, don't you show me." What?! -.- Lame! He thinks he is the smartest one, he probably was but not now. He always thinks that he is the right one and we're too wrong. Well, certainly not.

Anyway, I'm still learning how to deal with him.
Only hope that, after the four weeks placement later, I would be more patient with all his unusual behaviours.

Getting to. Fingers crossed for that.

Tomorrow IELTS for the first trial.
Will be in trouble. I reckon.
Bless me please.

I'm J.

That's the way I introduce myself to everyone here.

"Hi, I'm J, the student nurse."

But, what happens in nursing home.
They don't always remember you.

People with dementia,
like to ask for your name when first met.
After 2-3 minutes conversation later,
they would ask you again, "what's your name?"
Me : "J"
And then, chit-chat chit-chat, after few minutes,
they would ask the same question again, "what's your name?"
Me : "I'm J."

What's a clue!
It is good and bad.

Good is whatever they aren't happy with, they tend to forget tomorrow.
Yesterday, she said "you are terrible"; Today, she says, "you are gorgeous".
Which is which, I wonder...

Bad is whatever they said, they couldn't remember.
They asked for assistance to get up to the toilet,
when you have brought them in,
they would ask, "what should I do now?"
(=.=) What?! Are you serious? You really don't know what are you gonna do in here??
Well.
I would say, "Come on. I want you to sit on the toilet."
After a few minutes, nothing happens.
Then, I would ask, "Have you done any of your businesses?"
"I don't know..."
"Ok, I like you to sit there a little bit longer then."
Finally, when you heard of something's going on.
"Have you finished?"
"Well, I can't tell. But, it will happen again later."
"Alright then, let's go now! Because it's not happening now, we come back later if this gonna happen again. Okay?"

Through the scenario above,
You're definitely questioning of my profession.
Well. What I can tell is I'm still getting used to know my role as a profession to work with whom have mental health problems.
I apologize for my unprofessional behaviors and speeches.
Take the whole story for none!

You're gonna be patient with the dementia people.
Cause when you lost your ability to control yourself, you make things worse.
What if they keep asking, "what am I doing?" or "what should I do now?"
I'm still learning how to work with them.
It could be frustrating sometimes. To be honest.
But, I get touched when some of them can actually call out my name.
In every you and me, calling for help is not the hard task to do when you really need it.

But, with the dementia people, it's hard for them to know a new face of you.
If they can actually call loud of your name and ask for helps.
That's heaps appreciated.
And then, you feel more better.
You're probably thinking, "Thanks goodness. I'm doing the right thing now."
What's a pheuw!!

Not much. But really challenging.
Challenge for your patience.

Smart works, J.
;)

I'm J.

Would you marry me?

Been in the Mental Health Place for two days ady.
What have I done? I wonder..
Well, this morning..
I was sitting in an old gentleman room.
Reminiscence is all about it.
(I think.)
This gentleman was telling me about his stories.
Well, this should be interesting.
But when he kept repeating the same story every 5 minutes.
That should be enough.
(Do you think?)
I have no idea what to do with the dementia people.
Or what can I do?
Tell me!!

He told me, when he was nineteen.
He asked a lady, "would you marry me?"
The lady said, "yes!"
They married when he was twenty first.
They have five children.
However, they lost one.
She died of Leukemia.
Four are well and having their own family to carry on.
They all are doing great in Tassie at the moment.
He was used to be a carpenter in Sydney before he moved down to Tassie.
And, he was actually showing off his succeeds in the past to me.
Anyway, there he goes..
After how many decades later,
His memory status start getting worse and worse.
Same as his body too.
He has poor sleeping pattern at night.
He uses to go to the toilet few times during the night.
(we call this nocturia)
Incontinence of urine and bowel sometimes.
Pads used in case.
Moving on..
His wife and his son have no idea how to care for him anymore.
They sent him to the nursing home.
They leave him alone.
They do pay visit on him every second day.
But, is that really good for him? I just wonder..
He was working so hard for his family before.
He has devoted his whole life to his wife and the kids.
And, even now, I can tell through his eyes how much he loves his family.
He feels so proud of all his kids.
But now, what do they do on him?
He wakes up in the morning, has his breakky -- toasts with margarine and jam (but he likes honey and margarine on his toasts.. so, how?)
After this, he is just waiting for someone to give him a shower.
During Monday, Wednesday and Friday, he will sit on his chair, waiting for his family come and visit him. Other days, he just sits there until the sundown. And then, the day off. This kind of life.
What do you think of it?
Would you like it?

I heard someone saying before,
"Nursing home is the end of the world."

How sad!!
:'(

Neither I do.

Nursing home is not my favorite at this moment.

有。没有

那些你错过的大雨，那些你错过的爱情...

你现在拥有的，是你曾经错过的吗?

还是，你错过了，就不能再拥有了呢?

会不会很彷徨..
会不会很无助...
会不会很想哭??

现在，
我好像又迷失在哪里了?

下一次起跑的点，
就是你上一次跌倒的点。

哪里跌倒了，
哪里站起来。

懂吗?
傻瓜~~

Being a nurse.

Being a nurse can make me lost at times.
Why?
I dunno..
It is just a strange sometimes.

My community placement is just nearly done.
Am I looking for it?
Yes, I am.

But...
(Hang on. )

Well...

I meet nice people here.
I'm learning heaps here.
I'm doing my practices so well under control though.
That is so much appreciated!!

I would say,
This practice is just fabulous!
I'm really enjoying it!

I know, sometimes..
I'm dealing with a various people.
Some are really nice.
But, some are just too "tXXXXXian"!!
Can't blame them.
They just can't stand with you!
Why?
Because you are standing in their best place!!
----> Australia.
Here is an awesome place, don't you know that?
Yes, I know! I definitely know that!!
So, I came here and study!
That's what you should be proud of!
The education in Australia.. is just marvelous!

Sometimes, they just don't understand the "cultures" thing!

Anyway, I do what I am supposed to do.
I'd do all the goodness on you, with all my best.
Just.. because..
I'm a nurse.
I'm a nurse, from the UNIVERSITY OF TASMANIA!!!

We are so busy in this morning.
I did more things more independently nowadays (which I wish to),
That's great.
I'm telling you.
It's just so pleasant when you have done more things all on your own feet during your practice.
It takes slow, but I'm content with that.
The two simple words "Thank you" do make my day off really quickly.
I am happy when the dr says "thank you" to me;
I am happier when I hear "thank you" from my patients;
I am happiest, if knowing that I have done a good job to the nurses.

Well,
Stories time now!

One of my patient today was a lecturer.
He was used to travel a lots when he was a young fella.
He was teaching the "Human Management".
(Huh? What's a interesting subject!!! I haven't heard that before. Anyway..)
After I done his ECG, we had a few minutes conversation while he was dressing himself. (Hey budak, jangan fikir bukan-bukan! ;D)
He said, he has dealt with a lot of student world widely. Some were really tricky. He had no idea what to do with them, but failed them. And then, he said to me, "But, I think you are doing a good job here!!" OMG, I felt it's so embarrassing! I said, "Am I?" He answered me, "Yes, you're!" OMG! I felt like I was flying in the sky at that time.

Yes, I'm so proud of yourself!!
(自恋)

And, last time.
A lady came of the non-stop nose bleeding.
She was diagnosed leukemia for years ago.
She was really upset with her chronic health condition.
I was just be with her and talking to her, until the dr came.
And then, when the dr were being in,
she said to the dr, "that's good to have a trainee here".
The dr looked at me and smiled.
OMG, i felt my face was turning red and hot at that time.

Like what I have told before,
I got a cuddle from a lovely gentle man.
A deep hole has developed on his buttock after a surgery.
He came for a wound care from us.
I cleansed his wound really carefully, after that, the dr just roughly put a gauze into there (as a wick)....
OMG. Can you imagine it?
It's awful!!
He just yelled out then. I reassured him by rubbing my palm onto his shoulder and said, "it's okay. it's all done!!". After i put another dressing on, and before he leaved, he just turned back and give me a warm cuddle!! What a lovely present! He was an engineer a long time ago. He has been working in a few Asian countries when he was young, as he stated. Now, every time when he sees me, he'd say "ni hao ma?"

I am doing heaps of immunisation here as well.
I get used to do the injection on the babies now. (No more feeling)
I know once they got the needle, they would cry anyway. So, why not?!
I am doing the good stuffs. Those vaccines are just good enough to prevent the contagious diseases and protect them to be vulnerable to some of the infections. If they cry, I'd just blow the bubbles to entertain them. What's a pleasant job too! Haha. It does help. Some of them just stop crying after that. Just so "easy come and go"!

There you go!

It's just my own nursing stories.
Not care to share with you though..

ENJOY!

;D

请问梁静茹，
如果我敢追求，我就真的敢拥有吗?

除非你有种...

否则就不要去招惹那些疲惫，然后情绪不稳定的人。

就是我!!!

我现在就想打人。
最近的生活，说不上来很忙，却让人疲惫不堪。
晚上睡着了，却容易惊醒；
闹钟响了，醒了，却不能像以往那样，潇洒地离开床铺。
赖床是最近很爱做的事情，做了以后却又觉得很惭愧的事情。
累到很哀伤，哀伤到很累。
张洁莹，你是想怎样?
我想离开这里。没有牵挂的离开。
我做得到吗?
每一天，8个小时的实习，除了休息时间与写notes的时间，
大部分的时间都是站着的。
我的双脚站久了都好疼，尤其是膝盖的部位更是酸疼的不得了。
就算每一天睡足8个小时，我还是觉得好累。
是不是
痘痘也一直冒出来很frustrating !!!

如果有一天，你失去了，你就会惋惜，为什么当初不好好地珍惜。

BULLSHIT!!

我总是在练习

我总是一个人在练习一个人
有什么那么不可思议，
又何必大惊小怪?

有个朋友还问说，
“到底是别人觉得你单身可悲，还是你觉得自己单身可悲?”

#我不孤单 孤单只是 情绪泛滥

我我不孤单 孤单只是 不够果断#

世界上最难懂的心

一个已婚了的男人，
可以放心的在外头打拼自己的事业
是因为家里有位贤淑温柔漂亮的好人好妻，
煮饭打扫样样在行，还得全心全意无怨无悔的照顾一家大小，
家中还包括小霸气（自己的小孩）和一对爱斗嘴刁蛮的家公家婆，
这个好老婆的角色可是不好当。

外界给予他的评语也不赖，
都是“好老公”，“好爸爸”，“好男人”。
他也偶尔好恋的自夸自己说，他是婚外情的绝缘体。

大家都以为这个家好完美。
男主角也都是这样想的。

孰不知...

后来的他
遇见了年轻活泼的，看起来很纯真的小女孩，
多年来不变的心，开始做怪发痒了。
突然间，他又期待那份恋爱的心情。
想要重温那种“心跳加速，全身细胞在唱歌”谈恋爱的感觉。
但是，这份情感他不要和老婆一起温习；
他要和这个女孩轰轰烈烈的爱一回。
他们的婚姻，出轨了...

爱情有时候，真的是很讽刺。
经得起风风雨雨，却经不起平凡；
风雨同船了以后，天晴便各自散了...

精神上出轨也就罢了，
肢体上也控制不了...

别忘了，你不再是年轻狂野的那个男孩，
要顾及的不应该只有自己，还有别人。
你的思维应该是成熟的。

你是已婚，你有家庭，你有小孩，
你有每天在家等你下班回来吃饭的老婆...

这一次，
我只能说，
你是全天下最令女人倒胃口的男人。
犯贱!!!

最近，在追看台剧“犀利人妻”
很替戏里面的谢安镇打抱不平。
温瑞凡，你不是始者，也不是最后一个，
但是，如果碰见了想你这样的人，
我想，我会即刻把鞋子脱了，
狠狠地往你的后脑勺敲好几下。

**********************************************************************************

想必，
温瑞凡在心里一定想说，
“老婆，你知道吗？
以前在暗恋你的时候，那种心情就像张洪量唱的
-- 全世界只有你不知道 我已经爱上了你。
现在，我只想告诉你说，
全世界只有你不知道，我已经爱上了别人.... ”

p.s:没有如果。

现代的“快乐之本”

就在最黑暗，伸手不见五指的时候，
“惨了，什么都没有!!”，你心里轻轻地说着，
就在这种绝望透了，烂心情无情漫延之下，
最刺眼的光茫，是天使的光环散发出来的。

无助的时候，最侥幸的，
无疑是别人的乐意帮忙。

有人告诉我说，
一个人运气真的跌到谷底的时候，
没人愿意站出来帮忙，那是道理，那是人之常情。
若有人还能在这时候为你挺身而出，那是人情。

你知道当中是什么差别吗?

如果，我的时日不多，
我大概也看化了这一切，
执着又能怎样?

“霉”轮“霉”奂

有的时候，一个人倒霉起来，还真的不是不同的"黑"!!!
那个效应可以说上是“霉轮霉奂”的。
谁会想说，一天的时间，24小时里，会发生
<-----------这--------------么------------------------多---------->的事情，
而且，多的是还令人招架不住的。
就连叹气都会觉得好累~
我自认，天生就没有怎样太好命。
但是，以前的我还可以勉强算是happy-go-lucky的，
一直到最近，我老实说，我投降了!!
我还有什么可以输的?!!
连运气这件事也频频跟我作对。
你想我怎样振作?
每一天每一分钟都面对奇奇怪怪的大大小小的事
昨天，我还真的难过地措手不及
面对着墙壁，独自的,
一个人哭泣....
问，还有什么您想考验我的，
还有什么您想把我整垮的，
您爱把我折腾着这样，背后的意义肯定是非凡的啊~

煎熬了整半个多月，今天还可以算的是很平静的了。
可说得上是，得来不易啊!!
老天爷，我总算弄懂您的意思了。

难得周天，把事情处理好了以后，和妹妹窝在家里，
哪里都不去，随性的吃喝也可以是很知足的一餐，
累了，安心地倒头又可以呼呼大睡了。
其实，我要的生活就是那么地简单，
那么的平凡，那么地随性，那么的自在...

搞不懂复杂，22岁的我。

最近爱上A-Lin的这一首

*有些愛 越想抽離卻越更清晰
而最痛的距離 是你不在身邊 卻在我的心裡*

原谅

是不是有的时候，
你也会像我一样，
很无力地放空了一下，
无心发愣了好几分钟，
然后，觉得，好想痛哭一回什么的，
后来，
泪水深情地吻了你冷冷的脸颊。
你发现，一发不可收拾。

从来不认为，早上起床是一件痛苦的事。
一直到最近，我宁可窝在被窝里想些事情，
也不愿起床梳洗，启动电脑上网上facebook。
连以前一直认为早餐就是每一天最美好的开始，
都变得好乏味，没有意义了。
我，到底怎么了?

如果说，最适合反弹的时候就是人生最低落的时候。
那我现在是跌在谷底了吗?
下一回，我就可以用力的反弹了，对不对?
就像winnie the pooh里的跳跳虎一样，
是这样吗?

老天爷，你到底在考验着我什么啊?
“苦其心志，劳其筋骨，空乏其身”
现在都是啦!
您要委托我的任务是?

我好无力啊!!

对，没错!!
别人都在问我飞得多高多远了，你都不问我飞得累不累，
只是一边指责我说你应该怎么飞才会漂亮...
好让人失望，原来你都还弄不懂我啊!
怎么办呢?
你还在那边自以为。
你，真的把我看得太浮夸了。
我不是你想像中的那么轻浮。
朋友，你看我太肤浅了。

对你，我也累了。

最近的生活，就是几个字--> 繁.烦.反!!
繁忙，烦恼,反正就是那样。

我想起远方的，爸爸妈妈，
你知道我有多想多想您们吗?
你知道我有多么多么想呆在您们身边吗?
我连拨回回家的勇气都丧失了，
多么可悲~
我就是害怕在听见您们熟悉的声音候会变得很懦弱，
结果，在电话筒的另一端让您们听见我啜泣的软弱。
所以，我都不拨电话回家。

他们说，那是成长的代价。

我觉得，那也是...
流浪的代价。

很压抑的失落感!!

后来的后来，你还是不懂...
你把我看得太浮夸了。
我不是事事爱逞强，觉得自己一定很重要。
只是不愿再像小孩那般自私，先为自己想，
我在意，想要顾及他人，而不是像你说的，把自己看得很重要。
我从来没有觉得我自己很重要，别人没了我会怎样。
你的想法，让我很无力。

在离开以前，你不懂我的顾虑；
在离开以后，说不定你会让我大跌眼镜。

分享了以后，
你非但没有减轻我的烦恼，
反而增加了我不少的懊恼。

我现在的心情只有这首歌可以描述--


*真实的我没办法伪造
我要怎样说才好 我不是为你制造*

这就是我。你不懂得的我。

好fui~

只好一直告诉自己说，

"挫折感就是还有进步的空间，
还有进步的空间就是明天还有希望。"

不气馁

不气馁...

“没有不完美的最完美，
只有最完美的不完美。”

亲爱的，
你也是。

加油!!!

If ignorance is a bliss..

why wouldn't you give me the chance to breathe?
you know how stressful that I am...
you said, you definitely can understand my situation...
then wth you're doing?
you keep sending me a number of nagging messages.
if you asked me to take my time, no rush, etc..
then, how would you explain those messages?
it's just somehow really annoying...

i told you that i still doing my assignment,
which is due tmr..
things happen all the time,
who knows, when i get the call from the workplace,
i will just become irritated..
when there is an infinite long "to- do-list"
a variety of life just sucks, but not the spice of life.

do i blame you?
no, i didn't mean so.
(forgive my stubbornness...)

but, PLEASE~
allow me to get my things done first!!
(it will be so much appreciated)

i know what am i doing..
i know what should be done first..

他，不在。

究竟，会打篮球的男生还是比较吸引我!!!

( >__< )

男生打球，可否打出感情来?

女生谈心，多少是来真的?

那倒是：
只要一条线，就可以把你我分为两个世界...

我不孤单 孤单只是 情绪泛滥
我不孤单 孤单只是 不够果断
我总是一个人在练习一个人

没有人在等着一个人
一个人在等着没有人
没有人在等着没有人

你输liaw~

因为你生气了...

为什么要像疯子一样闹情绪？

我知道，你有你的压力；
其他人，难道没有吗？
课业没有你那般的繁重，并不代表没有压力。

你也会忘了把事情交待清楚，
别人也可能烦恼着其他事情没把事情办好...

之前，为了课业，你嫌浪费时间把东西拿出来，也没有跟我特别交待些什么；
之后，你有什么权利嫌麻烦把东西要回来，把责任推开。

最多，我也自己去办。
你给什么脸色我看？

你最近很上火!!!
靠近你就必死无疑...

***************************************************************************
最近，身边好几个人都到过医院；
动手术的，生产的，留院观察的；
都希望你们没事...

昨天，帮二哥哥提前庆祝生日，
在他许愿的那一刹那，
我也偷偷的，许了一个愿。

不知道你们有没有这个习惯，
往往帮别人过生日的时候，
也偷偷帮自己许个愿望。
我经常做这种事情，
所以我很喜欢帮别人过生日...
*hehe* 很贱!!! XDD

只是许个小小的愿，
又不会伤害到别人，
何乐而不为呢？

重要的是，
大家开心就好~

*希望你平安，一切顺心顺利~*

朋友都怀孕当妈妈了 ;}

最近，好多朋友都怀孕生小孩了...
自己也好想生一个...

不想谈恋爱，不想结婚，
不想要男人负责任，
要怎么办咧? (",)

hahahahaha!!!! XDD
偷偷卖个关子，
我有我的BB计划... ;)

衰~

这两天我updated的status，
都真发生了。

难不成...
我有预知能力吗?

可以不要那么衰吗?

要不然，
我写些好事情算了。

例如，assignments拿HDs，
遇到困难时，天使就会出现啊!!

我的天啊!
You just spoiled my day!!

why're you being SO MEAN?!!

你的习惯，我左右为难~

其实，
我不喜欢，
一早起床，
厨房里，
还有你们昨天吃了没洗的盘子。
我美好的开始，
就被那些看起来“很小”的事情，
影响了~

是的，我输了~
因为我当下真的生气了。

haiz...
到底要我怎么做?

你累?
我也累...
他也很累...

如果你把你的累，
劳累了他人，
这种事情应不应该?

我也希望，
你的答案是“不应该”

有的时候，小小的事情，
月积日累，就不再小了。

懂么? (",)

男生

成熟。
成熟的男生会帮你化解尴尬的场面；
成熟的他们会安静地帮你把事情解决。

不成熟。
不(够)成熟的男生会给你脸色看；
不(够)成熟的他们会袖手旁观。

在我的字典里，
第一种是有风度的。

但是，确实还不晓得，
该不该把第二种归类为是“幼稚”的?

p.s:当你独自在生闷气的时候，我心里会暗爽，因为你输了。~Blek~

平行, X, Y??

如果，你也有对别人心动过；
如果，你也曾经相信爱情...
你会明白，
有些人，一旦特别过，就不会再平凡了。

我没有恋爱的经验，
但是不能因为这样，
而没收自己的感觉。

最近，认识一位新朋友，
刚与恋爱6年多的男友分开，
原因是我的那位朋友要出国念书，
距离？或许...（原因不详）
两人就分开了。

事隔几个月以后，
我的朋友还在牵挂着他；
她相信，他也和她一样，
他放不下她。

他们不约而同，
申请了新的帐号，
去游览彼此的空间。
以为神不知，鬼不觉，
但是，心里很明白。
编号就是对方的。

她，是幸运的。
因为遇上了他。

她和我说，
他们就像平行线，
没有交集的点。

我告诉她，
平行线没什么不好，
两条线的距离永远都一样，
也不会忽近忽远。

有些人，还会碰上“X”，
两人像陌生人那般走着靠近了，
遇上了，爱上了，
后来，又因为其他问题，
两颗心，渐渐地又疏远了，
而且，越走越远...

而幸运的恋人，会走在“Y”道上，
碰见了，相爱了，
还可以继续相拥走在同一道幸福的路上。
但是，这种机率，
应该很低，也很渺茫吧!

所以，照此看来，
平行线还不是最差的。

你觉得呢？

平行，X，Y，你会选哪个?

The crazy little thing..

如果，
你也曾经偷偷地暗恋着别人...
这部戏，值得看...



或许，它会唤起你和“他”的一切...

可惜，故事结尾太过完美。

现在的社会都很现实，没有这么美的故事结局值得你去等待。

暮光。

1.如果你不喜歡現在的工作，要麼辭職不幹，要麼就閉嘴不言。初出茅廬，往往眼高手低，心高氣傲，大事做不了，小事不願做。不要養成挑三揀四的習慣。不要雨天煩打傘，不帶傘又怕淋雨，處處表現出不滿的情緒。記住，不做則已，要做就要做好。




2. 每個人都有孤獨的時候。要學會忍受孤獨，這樣才會成熟起來。年輕人嘻嘻哈哈、打打鬧鬧慣了，到了一個陌生的環境，面對形形色色的人和事，一下子不知所措起來，有時連一個可以傾心說話的地方也沒有。這時，千萬別浮躁，學會靜心，學會忍受孤獨。在孤獨中思考，在思考中成熟，在成熟中昇華。不要因為寂寞而亂了方寸，而去做無聊無益的事情，白白浪費了寶貴的時間。




3. 不要像玻璃那樣脆弱。有的人眼睛總盯著自己，所以長不高看不遠；總是喜歡怨天尤人，也使別人無比厭煩。沒有苦中苦，哪來甜中甜？不要像玻璃那樣脆弱，而應像水晶一樣透明，太陽一樣輝煌，鑽石一樣堅強。既然睜開眼睛享受風的清涼，就不要埋怨風中細小的沙粒。




4. 管住自己的嘴巴。不要談論自己，更不要議論別人。談論自己往往會自大虛偽，在名不副實中失去自己。議論別人往往陷入雞毛蒜皮的是非口舌中糾纏不清。每天下班後和你的那些同事朋友喝酒聊天可不是件好事，因為，這中間往往會把議論同事、朋友當做話題。背後議論人總是不好的，尤其是議論別人的短處，這些會降低你的人格。




5. 機會從不會“失掉”，你失掉了，自有別人會得到。不要凡事在天，守株待兔，更不要寄希望于“機會”。機會只不過是相對于充分準備而又善於創造機會的人而言的。也許，你正為失去一個機會而懊悔、埋怨的時候，機會正被你對面那個同樣的“倒楣鬼”給抓住了。沒有機會，就要創造機會，有了機會，就要巧妙地抓住。




6.若電話老是不響，你該打出去。很多時候，電話會給你帶來意想不到的收穫，它不是花瓶，僅僅成為一種擺設。交了新朋友，別忘了老朋友，朋友多了路好走。交際的一大訣竅就是主動。好的人緣好的口碑，往往助你的事業更上一個臺階。




7.千萬不要因為自己已經到了結婚年齡而草率結婚。想結婚，就要找一個能和你心心相印、相輔相攜的伴侶。不要因為放縱和遊戲而戀愛，不要因為戀愛而影響工作和事業，更不要因一樁草率而失敗的婚姻而使人生受阻。感情用事往往會因小失大。




8. 寫出你一生要做的事情，把單子放在皮夾裏，經常拿出來看。人生要有目標，要有計劃，要有提醒，要有緊迫感。一個又一個小目標串起來，就成了你一生的大目標。生活富足了，環境改善了，不要忘了皮夾裏那張看似薄薄的單子。

walao~

真的是，冷到够够力哟~
让我取暖~ 让我取暖~~
我要做assignments...
我要写到1000字。

PLEASE~ PLEASE~~
*我一直催眠着自己*

其实，有用咩？

(=.=")

Fear no bitch!

No every flower is the beauty angel.

No every sunshine cheers you up.

You gotta make your own way to live and never trust a man.

Once you've experienced, you'd know.

Time will tell.

还是宽恕？

其实，
去接受一个你喜欢的人是何等的艰难？
真正考功夫的，是去接受一个你不喜欢的人...
这没有什么捷径，
只有努力经营过才会懂得。

我不知道为什么你就是爱乱道是说非，
也不知道为什么面前是个人样，背后像个鬼这样；
我很帮你累耶~~

你不会傻傻地以为，
如果不开口说话，
别人会不知道你的存在的吧？

你可以努力的好好的,
把分内的事情做好呀？
没有多复杂，就这么简单~
你以为这样的生活会太乏味吗？
你错了!!
因为世界上真的有很多人不懂自己要干嘛的...
做好自己就真的不平凡了。

你不会想，
把这里的圈子搞乱了，
就静悄悄地离去，到别的地方“重新来过”吧？
你就以为，世界这么大吗？
没错，这世界真的很大，
但是，
你不懂，你与那些人的“联系”会是多久？
往往你讨厌的那个人，偏偏就会遇上好几回~
或许，我们都应该相信有“宿命”这回事

那些自以为是的家伙，
你不要等到需要我的时候，才来联系我，
我真的懒得理你!!!

看远的，
不要为了这点小事忘了大事。
路还有很远，那只是路旁的一坨屎；
绕过就好，也不用去破口大骂（虽然还是骂了）
一个白痴飞言乱语的谩骂你，你也不急于去还口恕骂别人，
为什么要降低自己的水准去跟一个不同等级的人打口战呢？
难到你比他（她）更白痴吗？

你不是...

好，那就算吧？
是非终日有，不听则无。

反正，
流言止于智者。

沉默就好，
沉默就是对于诽谤最佳的答复...

败给你~

Not every flowers are the beauty angels.

有些人，你不得不刮目相看；
有些事，你逼不得已听下去；

是非，一人在闹，万人在传；
事实，谁人分辨，谁人理会。

不得不承认，我还不够成熟。
搞不懂你的游戏...

天使

今天，我和我的buddy说，
“我们不是真正的白衣天使，
我们背负得太过于承重。”
她，微笑了。

一周七天，其中的五天8个小时在医院里实习，
周末礼拜还要上好几个小时的班，
功课，discussions... 一大堆有完没完
快要崩溃，想要放弃...
结果...
跌倒了，
又站了起来...

怨恨，真的没有用...

当你觉得你很辛苦，残酷的现实中，还有很多人比你活得更痛苦；
当你觉得时间不够用，你不知道，24小时中，还会有人嫌4个小时的睡觉是在浪费时间...

不要时时觉得自己很可怜。
因为，如果就连你自己也不爱惜自己，别人根本不会爱你。
你的人生，你自己过，别想要别人负上什么责任。

偶然的沮丧失望无助，是允许的
但是，记得对自己好一些，别让让那过程停留得太久

人生，就是这样跌跌撞撞一路走着过来。

有人说，快乐就是不报怨。

不理会别人到底怎么去“善用”你，欺负你，
学到的，将会是你自己的...

应该感谢，不是埋怨。
学到的，真的是你应得。

有一句名言说，
学习时的痛苦是暂时的，
未学到的痛苦是终生的。

所谓，
吃得苦中苦，方为人上人。
信不信由你自己决定...

我看清楚了
我也希望，你看开了...:)

Faith enough

Sometimes just nothing..
it's faith enough.

never explain yourself to someone else
if he/she isn't just into you
it's just a waste...
know it?

I'm just a weird guy..
really really weird..

I dun feel like talking when I'm feeling unwell
Being sick, none..
none I'll talk about
and nothing's gonna to be concerned.

So, dun panic!
It's just me.

After being standing for days
walking for hours and hours
I'm absolutely exhausted.
and, my knees...

somehow, I just feel wrong with my knees
something like GOUT you may hear of
it's just awful.
I get used to it nowadys
I really don't like it..

固执

喜欢听歌 感人的歌
它让我觉得 爱是对的
睡不着 我就醒着
喜欢唱歌 动人的歌
它让我获得一点心得
得不到 我就放掉
不再让日子被打乱了

寂寞很吵 我很安静
情绪很多 我很镇静

因为投入 所以放弃
不愿再被痛醒

固执算不算任性的要求
付出也可能看不到结果

终于你还是选择了放手
用逃避 让感情犯错

接受

当你觉得还有很多，甚至一大堆（大大小小）的事情必须等你去完成的时候，别气馁，因为这正好证明了你还有存在的价值。不要怨恨在心里太久，因为事情一旦被情绪耽误了，今天不做，明天是双倍；同样的，今天不走，明天得跑。

你不会天天都遇到天使（就如，生活中你也不可能100% 就只允许好事情发生），因为天使不是一个人可以专属的，天使还要帮助其他更多人。

与其空等待天使来帮忙，那为何不让自己也当上好几会的天使，去帮助其他人？

怨恨，解决不了问题...又何必让问题变成心中的怨恨呢？

人生就是铁跌撞撞，开心沮丧累积的一段旅程。

记住，天底下没有白吃的的午餐，只有吃不到的午餐。

说...

说
要回来的人，走了都不回来；

说
要离开的人，谁能留得下来？

还能说什么？

还能做什么？

还能等什么？

我能够怎样，请您告诉我...

p.s: my facebook account's currently deactivated.. don't blame me...I'm so depressed right at the moment..

Don't bitch me there!!

I will show you in one day!!

Socrates said, Wisdom begins in wonder.

You never know.. my limits

I　HATE YOU!!!!

BITCH

...but...

sometimes, it's really hard to say...
but, you know, it's inside your body...
somethings must be going wrong in there...
you cant really speak it out, but you can actually feel it...

it's not that complicated
honestly..
but..

you know what i'm trying to say?

you dun, never mind...
because neither than i...

just recently...
i'm so hopeless, helpless...
whatever happens, just make me become more frustrated
and also impatient..

i couldn't explain why
but..

you know,
i think i'm the one who should be taken the risperidone.
not the patient, but me...

please dont ask me why.
currently,
i just like to wrap myself firmly inside the quilt,
suck my ears into the earphones, turn on the music to the highest volume,
and my tears will then come out onto my face voluntarily..

it's just weird.

patients have been so nice to me..
even their family

yesterday, when i was climbing the stairs to level 5
i met one of patient's wife,
she was in front of me, and i didnt realise of her anyhow
but she just looked back and then she said "Hai" to me..
it was surprising, to be honest...
(i never met this situation before)
and, i asked her about her husband..
she said, he might be discharged during the weekend..
and, i said, that's good...
we just had the little 5 minutes conversation there...
and then we broke up in the corridor (on the way back to my ward)

there was another patient,
when my preceptor and i were sending her to another ward during the night,
in the last few minutes, before we depart, she just quickly grabbed my hands,
and said to me, "thank you so much, my darling. you're a good girl"
she was a little bit confused and kept calling me "pat"
i dunno why,
but i know she appreciate everything you've done to her.
i said to her, "that's alright, my job!"
and then, i wished her all the best in the future.
she just smiled to me and said "thank you",
what's a lovely lady.

sometimes,
you're just lucky enough to meet those patients
but, sometimes, nope...

some of them are not that incorporated...
but,
as you never know,
how hopeless they are when they have to stay in the hospital like this.
they know they're sick,
but, once the dr cant clarify the reasons of their illness,
they have to stay, and heaps and heaps of the test (including the blood test, urine test, x-ray, etc) have to be ongoing.
consequently, they will become impatient at times.

if you put yourself into the picture,
you can image,
how that looks like...

after those three weeks,
i cant promise any further,
but,
i can see myself in the future now..

i dont want to be a super nurse (rushing the works all the time),
but, instead,
i wanna be a good nurse (caring for the people, not the work)

i dun really know how much better i can do during my placement,
but,
as much as i can... i swear..

i believe,
there're some steps before the angel can actually help people
what if, you never know..

god bless me!! ;)

Wondering

How many litres of tears are needed before I become a real angel to help other people?

Am I expecting myself to know everything too much?

Why can't I be more confident being a third year nursing student?

What am I scared of?

Why I feel like something goes wrong on me?

Somebody can tell me?

Am I still afraid?

Am I a little nobody in your eyes?

谁不希望化成蝴蝶 继续往高处飞
简单原来最难去追求 真实该怎麽拥有

牵绊着多余的负累 和埋葬过的眼泪
勇敢和坚定 不会成长一夕间


人人都有伪装的外衣
隐藏受伤的自己 谁不渴望痊癒

A scare

I hate when everything is turned black all in a sudden. Not because it's a blackout time. It's due to some reasons on my body.

I had these experiences for quite a few time. The last one was about two years ago. I was inside the crowded mini bus.

This time, I was inside a patient room, watching her severe leg wound (if you image, her fibula is visible and apparently this is a foul smelling wound) to be dressed by a nurse. The room was so warm and as a student, we had been asking a lots of questions about the wound management. Pheuw~~

The progress had been gone for a while. And, we were all good. I'm really hunting for this chance to be watching on this kind of dressing for a long time.

Then, I felt my stummy cramping and it was a slightly dizzy. Well, I was sure that I will be fine very shortly. But, guess what... Everything turned into black in a sudden. I was at my wit's end. Nothing I could do about it. This went for a few seconds. Then, I thought I better to leave the room and have a rest for awhile. I was sweating. The other nurse took my blood pressure and it was quite low from the normal. So, she asked me to have some water and rest in the other room.

Well, I was not unconscious. I just felt a bit tired and hot. And, I'm not deaf. I know what you guys talking outside. My English is not excellent as you guys, it's my second language, but it is improving, you better know this. How comes? Well, let me tell you then. You never know if I hesitate to tell the truth. I like listening much more than talking. The credit for this goes to you guys. I'm so appreciated of your hardworking on gossiping people behind them. You should be proud of your profession, shouldn't you?

Actually, I am not mean to grumble at everyone, everything... I just wanna do all my best on this placement. That's it. I'm not that bitchy, right?

Well, time will prove everything, I believe.

Don't cry. Think optimistically.

And, that was how I turned my black Friday off last night.

A professional lier..

The more you've told people, the more that make me sicker.

你说的每一句话，我连标点符号都不信。

I'm totally sick of you.

No other reasons.

Just because you're so pro in lying on everybody.

You should be proud of yourself, right??

Congratulations!!




(except from me.. huh '^')

Well...

If you ask me, how scaring it is for me to pick up the phone in the hospital. My silly answer will be: it is similar to how you guys hesitate to take at least a chance to be friendly with us.

What will that be to live in other countries that you're not really welcomed by most of their people? Have you imaged that?

Nope..

Unless you encountered once..

To be honest..

Is that what I really want to??

I don't know...

Well, let have another try then.